No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, the question has probably crossed your mind: Are they still in love with me? Of course, you know they still love you. But whether or not they’re in love with you is entirely different. Do they get butterflies when you walk in the room? Are you the only person on their mind? It’s not crazy to want to know. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, we’ve discovered the telltale signs your partner is still totally and utterly in love. And for some great ways to make your partner’s holiday truly special, check out these 40 Non-Cliché Valentine’s Day Date Ideas.
They show genuine interest in your day.
Even if you’ve been together for decades, your partner is still very much in love with you if they regularly ask about your day, writes psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. “During that time you spend together, does your partner ask about, and show interest in, the high and low points of your workday? Couples build their love for each other not necessarily on the ethereal, but on the practical supports that keep communication routes open,” says Whitbourne.
They say your first name during sex.
Psychologist Stan Tatkin notes that when your partner says your name and maintains eye contact during sex, it’s a sign they are fully present and don’t want to be in bed with anyone else but you. That dedication will do wonders for your relationship—in and out of the bedroom.
They look at you. Like, really look at you.
Do you still catch your partner glancing at you from across the table when you’re out with friends? Or watching you intently while you tell a story? That’s an important nonverbal cue that they’re still in love with you, says Whitbourne.
They love nothing more than talking about the past.
If your partner often starts conversations with “Remember the time we…?” it points to the fact that the memories the two of you share are some of their favorites to look back on. As long as they still make an effort to stay in the present with you, too, taking a walk down memory lane is never a bad thing.
They intentionally do the things you hate.
By this point in your relationship, your significant other knows your likes and dislikes. And while it’s great if they shower you with the things you love—say, flowers or sports tickets—it’s even more telling if they create a buffer between you and the things you hate—say, the dishes or their obnoxious friend.
“If he knows the three or four things that will always hurt you or put you off balance, and then knows just what to do to either avoid them or get you up and running again when they do happen, then consider him your antidote,” Tatkin told Redbook. It’s a no-fail sign your significant other cares about your feelings and is willing to do whatever it takes to put you first.
They want to boost your self-esteem.
When your partner is in love with you, they’ll constantly want to give you compliments and bolster your self-esteem. According to Whitbourne, someone who makes you feel good about yourself can make you feel more secure in your partnership and with yourself.
They still want to learn more about you.
When you’ve been with someone for a number of years, it can get harder to talk about personal matters as opposed to everyday mundane issues—things like who needs to take out the trash or pick up the kids. However, when your partner is still in love with you, they’ll always want to keep learning. Find time to have more intimate conversations—either about your relationship or your innermost thoughts—every few weeks.
They want to continually surprise you—and switch things up—in bed.
First of all, there’s no shame in trying something new every now and then. In fact, as Mary Jo Rapini, sex therapist and intimacy expert, told Redbook, the desire to constantly spice things up means that your sexual relationship is still important to your significant other. And obviously, that’s a great sign. A commitment to keeping things fresh proves that they’re in it for the long haul.
He says “yes” to whatever you suggest.
All right, this one only applies if your significant other is a man. According to a study published in the Journal of Psychophysiology, men who are in love tend to appear less enthusiastic than men who aren’t—simply because their serotonin levels tend to drop when they’re head over heels for someone.
Women’s serotonin levels, on the other hand, tend to rise. That makes them appear more enthusiastic. “Because men’s levels aren’t as high, they don’t feel the need to do that—they’re happy showing you love by agreeing to do whatever it is you want to do, even if it’s just sitting next to you and watching TV,” psychologist Paul Coleman told Redbook.
They don’t complain about doing things that you like.
If your partner is still in love with you, they won’t mind trekking to your favorite restaurants, parties, or other events. That’s because they simply enjoy spending time with you—no matter what that time may look like.
They are quick to end an argument.
While it might not always benefit your relationship, your partner’s tendency to let you win fights points to the fact that they don’t want to see you upset—or risk getting into something that could put the relationship in jeopardy.
They put their phone down around you.
Again, if your partner is in love with you, they value the time you spend together. And especially in the 21st century, that means finding some phone-free time to sit down and reconnect. Research backs this, too. In one study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, researchers discovered a link between a partner’s dependence on their smartphone and their security in their relationship. Unsurprisingly, people who were less dependent on their smartphones felt more secure in their relationships.
They never threaten to break up with you.
It’s true: Using the “d” word or threatening to break up with your significant other can make your partner feel as though those options are always on the table. If your partner has never once threatened to call it quits, it means that a life without you has likely never crossed their mind.
They respect your views.
Your partner can possess entirely different views from you and still manage to embrace your ideas. And according to Whitbourne, this ability to understand and accept one another’s differences means the two of you have an unbreakable connection. “The key feature is not what your beliefs are,” says Whitbourne, “but how open you are to accepting your partner’s perspective as valid.” And for more ways to tell if your partner is truly the one, be wary of these 23 Signs Your Partner Is Taking You for Granted.
They marble loving you into their routine.
Chalk this one up to laziness, or the fact that your partner is totally in love. “If you find them doing the same kind of activity style with you, like always bringing home a gift for you, calling or texting you throughout the day, cleaning things up, or doing things like filling up your car with gas that takes a task off your list, and so on, then they are showing you love in the way that they think you receive it,” Katie Rossler, a licensed professional counselor, told INSIDER.
They share their food with you.
When your partner shares their food with you both in private and out in the public, it’s a sure sign they’re still in love with you, according to a study conducted by the Proceedings of the Royal Society, Biological Sciences. The study found that swapping food releases the bonding hormone oxytocin. That means when your partner shares food with you, they are not only invested in the relationship but yearn to make it even stronger. The next time they offer you a french fry, take it. It could greatly benefit your bond.
They listen.
Sometimes, you just really need great advice. And at times, your partner does, too. The fact that your partner is compassionate enough to not only give you advice, but to take the advice that you delve out, points to the fact that they truly value your opinion. According to nonprofit loveisrespect, your partner truly loves you when they can value your opinion—and trust you enough to ask for your advice in the first place. And for more advice on love (that doesn’t have to come from your significant other), Here’s Dr. Ruth’s Advice on Online Dating, Dry Spells, and One-Night Stands.
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