By the time you reach your 30s, many of your friends will have paired off. Some will even have children. And while family life certainly has its merits, not everyone is ready for it at the same time—if ever. Whether you’re happy to stay single or are looking forward to eventually meeting your match, here’s what’s truly amazing about being independent during this time in your life.
In your 30s, “you have a better perception of who you are than you did when you were in your 20s,” says Rori Sassoon, CEO of VIP matchmaking service Platinum Poire. That means you’re probably pretty clear on what you want career-wise, and being single ensures you have the time to put work in toward your goals. “This is a great time to build your empire without the time commitments that come with a relationship.”
“Men and women in their 30s have done a lot of growing up,” points out James Anderson, dating expert at Beyond Ages. “They are more mature and less tolerant of the drama that many people in their 20’s enjoy and even thrive on. This creates a dating environment that is more relaxed and enjoyable with fewer games.”
“Often times, people get into relationships and start to neglect other people who play important roles in their lives,” points out Nicole Carl, a licensed professional counselor at Clarity Clinic in Chicago. When you’re single, you can use your time to invest in close relationships and develop even stronger ties with them. Or, focus on broadening your horizons: “Use this time to meet new people and socialize with a variety of different individuals.”
“You can take command of your own space,” says Courtney Watson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. There’s definitely something to be said for not having to compromise on what your apartment or house looks like. “You get to keep your living space however you want. Whether it’s immaculate or a mess, it’s yours and you don’t have to think about the needs of any one else in your safe space.” Plus, your home is completely judgment-free zone. Want to wear sweats all day? No one will ever know.
“It’s common in your 20s to be a little unsure of yourself,” says Vikki Ziegler, celebrity divorce attorney, relationship expert, and author of The Pre-Marital Planner. “But when you enter your 30s, you regain momentum in your ability to exude confidence about decision-making in your life.” The self-assured attitude applies to dating, but also other crucial areas like setting boundaries with friends and family, getting what you want at work, and making lifestyle choices like where you want to live.
This skill—often developed with age—saves you a lot of time and energy. “In our thirties, we are less impulsive and less driven by sex,” says Keren Eldad, relationship coach, life coach, and founder of With Enthusiasm. That doesn’t mean you’re not interested in sex, but you now have the ability to appreciate a fun, no-strings-attached relationship in a way you maybe couldn’t in your 20s.
If you got yourself into some sticky situations dating in your 20s, you’re not alone. “Being single in your 20s can be a bit dangerous, as we tend to have that ‘YOLO’ mentality,” says Stacy Karyn, an online dating consultant. “However, in your 30s you are a bit less likely to indulge in risky behavior, such as drug use and unsafe sex.”
“Let’s face it, relationships require individuals to invest a lot of time and energy in them and make it harder engage in leisure activities,” says Carl. “When you’re single, you have more free time to put into your hobbies and self care activities. Eating healthier, working out, taking fitness classes, or even picking up an artistic activity such as painting could be done because your schedule isn’t so cramped.”
By the time you hit 30, “your BS meter has maxed out,” says Allison Perez, a relationship expert and love coach. “You’ve identified the red flags and you see them coming from a mile away.” If you do want to date, now’s the perfect time to put all the dating lessons you learned in your 20s into practice. And if you’re on dating apps, you’re probably aware of the 11 Worst Dating-App Message Mistakes Men Make.
You’re more skilled in bed, and you know how to spot better partners. “You’re not settling for subpar non-reciprocal sex,” Watson says. “You know what you like and you’re not willing to settle for less.”
You don’t have time for people you’re not all that into, and it’s better that way. “Since the time to begin raising a family is approaching for many, it’s less likely that you will waste your time on people who are just not right for you,” Karyn says.
Some people love alone time no matter their age, but many don’t learn to appreciate it until their 30s. When you’re single, you have the freedom to get more of it. “You thrive on self-care and time to get to know yourself better,” Ziegler says. FOMO is a thing of the past: “You can sit home with a book and a glass of wine on a Friday night and be 100 percent comfortable with that decision.”
Of course, you can meet new people while in a relationship, but it can be easier to get out and about when you’re flying solo. “You make the most amazing friendships in your 30s,” says Faith Dulin, LMFTA, a relationship counselor. “You find your tribe, your people. Those that get you and you relate to, outside the context of a romantic relationship or ‘couple identity.'”
While your friends might be spending all of their time raising their young children, you can do literally whatever you want in your off-time. “No longer a broke 20-something, you can go to Dubai or Accra or Seoul and have the time of your life,” Watson says. And when you’re single, you can pick any destination you want without consulting anyone else first.
Speaking of money… Gone are the days of trying to figure out the cheapest possible date ideas. “You can date at your leisure and get to go to places that are way more interesting because you and the people you are dating have the money to do it,” Watson notes. Chances are, you can splurge on a nice dinner, amazing cocktails, or theater tickets if you decide you really want to impress someone. And since you only have to spend money on yourself, you’re probably better off financially than those who have a spouse and children to support.
“You don’t have any obligations and restrictions when having to consider a partner’s desire,” Carl points out. “Having the liberty to make decisions without having interference from a partner can lead you to making self-defining and spontaneous choices.” Think: moving to another country for work, buying a house because you love it, or ditching a friend group that’s no longer working for you.
“By the time you hit 30, you will have most likely experienced heartbreak and pain a few times,” Karyn points out. “And, because of this recently-collected wisdom, you will be able to enter the dating scene with sensitivity and class.” If you’re dating people the same age, you’ll likely find they’re also kinder than than the people you dated in your 20s.
Sure, it’s still annoying when your parents nag you about why you’re not married yet, but you’re less likely to take it to heart now. “Being single in your 30s is often seen as a consolation prize instead of the amazing experience that it can truly be,” says Stephanie Lee, a relationship expert and coach. But those who experience it learn that it’s actually pretty fun—and that what other people think about your relationship status doesn’t matter. “Gone are the days when the judgements of your peers sway your days and pull you into a tailspin.”
Whether you’re straight, gay, or somewhere in between, you probably have a handle on it by now. By your 30s, “you have recognized many of the negative messages you received about your sexuality and you’ve either shaken then or are working on shaking them,” Watson says. “You re-grounding in who you are sexually and enjoying yourself more.”
Everyone has that friend who got married in their 20s and then got divorced a year or two later. Yes, that could happen to anyone, but now that you’ve seen some of the things that can go wrong in a relationship and how that impacts a person, it’s less likely to happen to you.
This is something many people who couple up in their 20s never get the chance to do, and it often comes back to bite them later. “If you do not learn to really love you (first, and above anyone else), you will never truly be able to unconditionally love another, needing from them absolutely nothing in return,” Eldad explains. “Our 30s are a beautiful time to practice this. As your career and social circles expand, so will your sense of self and your chance to really explore your most significant relationship: the one you have with YOU. Get coaching, read books, and spend time cultivating you.” Plus, if and when the right person for you comes along, you’ll know exactly how to spot them.
“Men and women in their 30s have a lot more going on in their lives and are much less inclined to waste your or their time,” Anderson says. “As a result, dating is a lot more direct. Your partners will be more upfront with what they are looking for in a relationship, casual or serious, and that alleviates a lot of the stress of dating.”
Or you’re in the process of doing so. “We all have scars from childhood—it’s a fact—but most don’t conquer them,” Ziegler says. “In your 30s, you might be in therapy or know that you need to be single and work on your past to make your future life bright. It’s truly empowering and invigorating to conquer your childhood fears and stand tall and proud of where you come from and who you are becoming without a partner attached to you. That is the true sign of growth and empowerment.”
“Wanna do yoga after work? Wanna come home at 3am? Wanna be in bed by 6pm? You can do whatever you want with your time and not have to consult or consider anyone else,” Watson says.
Assuming you enjoy spending time with your family, being single means you get to spend every holiday with them without ever having to compromise. Ask any married person—this is a big deal.
Research shows that for most people, real happiness begins around age 33. If you’re single, that means you can do anything you want—including finding someone to share it with, or not.
“If you are dating still in your 30s, the possibility of having kids is still on the table,” says Michela Hattabaugh, a matchmaker with Three Day Rule in Chicago. “While some people never feel a strong desire to do this, that can potentially change once you find a partner who you want to spend the rest of your life with, so it is nice to still have that option. While having kids in your early 40s can still be possible, it’s nice to be in your 30s and not feel the impending pressure of racing against the clock.”
Never underestimate the power of ‘no.’ “By your thirties, you have amassed a body of life experience, including a heartbreak or two,” Eldad says. “All this living has gotten you real clear about what you don’t want.” When you’re totally clear on things you don’t want to do, it makes saying ‘no’ to people, favors, and experiences you’re not interested in a whole lot easier. “And you know what’s awesome about knowing what you don’t want? It clarifies for you what you DO want.”
Whether it’s your food choice for dinner, watching your favorite TV show, choosing what music to listen to, or deciding which car you’re going to buy, you can pretty much always get what you want when it comes to deciding how to spend your time and money.
Research shows that single people sleep more than those who are coupled up. Getting a good night’s sleep means you go into each and every day with a leg up on those who have another person’s sleep schedule and habits to deal with. That’s what we’d call a win.
In your teens and 20s, getting into a relationship often meant prioritizing your new paramour over friends—and, in some cases, losing some of those not-so-strong relationships along the way. However, if you’re single in your 30s, you’ve had plenty of time to strengthen the bonds with your friends, likely counseling them through their own dating rough patches along the way. And while this means you’ve probably got plenty of people to keep you company when you’re not in a relationship, it also means those pals are unlikely to write you off if you go temporarily MIA when you do meet someone new.
If you get married, have kids, or make the decision to remain childless before your 30s, you might be the first member of your inner circle to do so. That means you’re a pioneer of sorts—you’re bravely venturing where no one you’re close to has gone before, meaning you don’t necessarily have a clear understanding of what those decisions might make your life look like. When you’re in your 30s, however, you likely have friends living a thousand different lifestyles, making it easier to make an educated choice about what your own life could look like a few years down the line, depending on which path you decide to take.
Announce that you never plan to get married when you’re 22 or decide to quit your job and move somewhere you’ve never been 28 and you’re bound to get a fair amount of pushback—especially if you’re in a relationship. However, by the time you’re in your 30s, your friends and family members probably realize you have enough life experience to make the right decisions for yourself—and if you’re single, it means you don’t have to explain those choices to anyone. And if you want to fly solo, check out these 15 Signs You Should Definitely Be Single.
To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter!
