When you’ve just entered a new relationship, it’s important to look out for red flags. However, one of the downsides of the commitment-phobic culture that we live in today is that people give up on each other a little too easily. The minute that you tell your friends one thing that the other person did wrong, their response is, “Ditch him. He’s the worst.”
The reality is that no one is perfect, and sometimes it’s worth getting to know someone a little bit and figuring out the motivation behind some of their issues in order to figure out whether it’s a deal breaker or something you can work with. Not to mention, sometimes, opposites really do attract, and your strength can provide support for some of their weaknesses.
That said, one Redditor recently asked people to share the red flags about their spouses and partners that they’re happy they ignored—and their answers were very illuminating. Read on for some of the more compelling answers. And for red flags that you definitely shouldn’t ignore, check out what 20 People Learned After a Failed Relationship.
1 Anxiety Issues
“She’d worry over the smallest things,” one Reddit user wrote. “Anything that went wrong (dentist, food going off, traffic, not having enough time to wash her hair) would send her into a panic and put her in a foul mood that could last for hours. I’m the exact opposite. Completely laid back. If the dentist doesn’t have good news I’ll accept it and not worry, if food goes off I’ll pop down to the shops and grab some more and if we’re late because of traffic that’s just how it goes. I thought her moods would be the thing to end us, to slowly wear down my patience to a point where I’d stop trying to comfort, reassure and calm her down. I was wrong. Reader, I’ve never been happier. And we’re good for each other. I can calm her down and she can make me care about things I didn’t used to think were a big deal but ultimately are. We work so well together.”
2 An Odd Sense of Humor
“My spouse [has a] very weird and unusual sense of humor,” one Reddit user wrote. “I was afraid he was mentally unstable. He would draw weird cartoons, mimic people’s voices and mannerisms (creepily accurate) and tell the craziest stories. Turns out he’s just hilarious and he usually keeps me belly laughing once a week.”
3 “He’s a Loser”
“When I met him, my husband had just closed his comic book store,” one Reddit user wrote. “I had a few people who didn’t know him at all tell me that he was a loser because he had a comic book store and that ‘type’ never does well in life. I knew his store closed for reasons out of his control (business partner had cancer, sold the store to pay for treatment), and that he was seriously depressed about it. No one else seemed to see the man I did and I felt like I was stealing him. Legit the most generous, kindest, funniest, smartest dude I’ve ever met. I’m glad I ignored them because I doubt I could find a better partner in life. There’s been a lot of [stuff] thrown at us but we have navigated it together. I love him and despite how much the rest of my life sucks, my marriage is resilient and healthy.”
4 Mental Health Issues
“When I met my wife and we became more and more intimate, she opened up to me and told me, she didn’t want to have secrets from me,” one Reddit user wrote. “She then proceeded to tell me the story how she had spent some time in a psychiatric clinic recently and what she had been through. I was a little bit scared first, but she managed to convince me that she had made a full recovery. She told me she went full jackpot with me and risked me getting up and leaving her, but she didn’t want to build our relationship on a lie. We have been married for 15 years now and she’s the love of my life.”
5 Being Too Easygoing
“I mistook my husband’s relaxed attitude with not caring,” one Reddit user wrote. “Nope. He really is that easy going. Now I love his even temperament. Some times is annoying but is mostly calming.” And for smart ways to know what messages you’re sending, check out the 30 Things Your Body Language Says About You.
6 Not Having a Plan
“We are the complete opposite,” one Reddit user wrote. “I love to flit around, not staying anywhere too long and live in the short term without any kind of planning on impulse. She hates the idea of being without a long term plan and knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life. She has managed to help me sort out some kind of realistic path for the rest of my life (our lives), and I’ve managed to get her on a rough planned tour of SE Asia (keep going till the money runs out). We have managed to develop the parts of our personalities that made life difficult for us, and each individually blossomed as a pair. We are currently on our way to Malaysia, and I’ve managed to stash a ring in my back pack. She makes me excited for the rest of my life.”
7 Age Difference
“Both of our families were worried the 7 year age gap would be a big hurdle to overcome (I was 20 and she 27),” one Reddit user wrote. “11 years together and 5 years married, it’s never been an issue!” It’s also not a problem for these 20 Celebrity Couples with Huge Age Gaps!
8 High Stress
“She’s very susceptible to stress,” one Reddit user wrote. “I have a much higher threshold and was afraid she would have a negative impact on my ability to deal with things. Turns out that it was good for her to have someone that stays calm in almost every situation, as it was good for me to have someone that is not expected to act like a machine in a stressful situation.”
9 Being Really Tidy
“The serial killer room,” one Reddit user wrote. “I went home with him for the first time to a completely blank room. No personal possessions, white bedspread, and pillows. The windows had bars on them. I gave him a cool picture for his walls, didn’t get murdered, and been living together two years now. He’s just tidy.”
10 Bad Parental Relationships
“I was always told to date a man that treats his mom right and is a ‘family man’ because I could expect him to treat me the right way,” one Reddit user wrote. “My SO hates his mom and has always been private about his family. We celebrate 7 years together next month, and I’ve never regretted looking past the family thing.”
11 A Rigid Schedule
“I thought he was too rigid the way he runs his life,” one Reddit user wrote. “He has his routines and follows a schedule for everything. Four years and some later, as it turns out, eating home-cooked meals and going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7 every day does wonders to your health.”
12 Moving Too Fast
“My boyfriend came on to me really fast and strong which I’ve always been told was a red flag,” one Reddit user wrote. “Asked me out three days after meeting me, told me he loved me a week later, wanted to get married after four months. Turns out whirlwind romances do exist because we’re perfect for each other and still going strong five years later.”
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